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This page is  dedicated  to  all  those  of  who  have  been there  and  seen  it,of  course  if  you  are  one  of  those  "forged  in  speed  never  sleeping  matrix  mumbling  types" you  won't  even  look  at  this.ps  try  to  remember  its  only a  laugh !.
This disgruntled soul stress
does what she feels fitting with her Dells ticket               




I caught  this  specimen  in  the  urinals  at  Tonys  Empress  Ballrooms  Blackburn










The  punishment  for  not  putting  the  CD's  back  in  their  right  place, Keith  Minshull is  glad  to carry  out  the   sentence as  this absent  minded  soul  fan  finds  out  to  his  peril
Did you know ??
Mr Minshull is better known as  Coronation streets hapless butcher Fred Elliot.








These  two  cheeky  scampeteers  hoot  with  glee after  swapping  Motown  legend  Steve  Wonders  lip  gloss  for  super glue







It was  Cleethorpes  season  again  and  the  usual  monsters   reared  their  ugly  heads



Even  eastend  hardmen  Reg &  Ron  can't  sway  Ian  Levine  on  his  mission  to  educate  the  poor  soulful  masses




After  hearing  it 5  times  in  one  night at  Keele,ex prime minister  Chamberlain  backed  by  the soul masses  bans  Afternoon of the  Rhino




exhausted  soulies queue  to  get  a table  in  the  100  club


If these photo's made you laugh and you have any more good ones,or even some compromising snaps of a friend ,and would like to see the same treatment given to them send, them to me with a note telling me what you had in mind and I will do the rest
Sometimes when at the niter ,when its all black and empty looking ,some one will come over and talk non stop about Wigan Casino, and how good it was, and you should of been there, and how much better than this it was, chances are this person is in a time warp ,locked in another dimension.This person is probably
LOST IN SPACE !!!!
In this section I will train you how to spot and then avoid these poor tortured souls,I will also give tips on how to become
LOST IN SPACE !!!
There are also 5 steps if you would want to be lost in space.
1-Paint you fingers with creosote to give the impression of being a chain smoker
2-try dancing in the same spot all night and bumping into people all around you whilst performing crap spins and clapping out of sequence and annoyingly loudly.
3-gargle cups of hot lard to get that northern accent.
4-bang on endlessly about how you used to go years ago when it was brilliant.
5-The most important rule of all if you are to try to pull off your masquerade is this.Never never under no circumstances travel more than 10 miles to any soul event, and then leave early claiming they didn't play enough oldies .
You will note in the diagram what to look out for when trying to identify some one who is lost in space.
1-the tattoo like Wigan badge always a give away seldom seen with out this.
2-fags it is an internationally known fact that all these people run on fag smoke ,rather like a steam train runs on coal
3-they are avid collectors ,often they will decorate their houses with all manor of things they have scavenged at niters, rather like a magpie
4- not many people know this but those large baggy trousers are used to house racing pigeons,as they are keen bird fanciers.
5-small cut off t shirts with loads of badges are the norm, the more badges the higher up the pecking order they are ,our friend in the picture is probably a general.


IF YOU KNOW ANY ONE WHO IS "LOST IN SPACE "SEND THEIR PHOTO TO ME AND I WILL ADD THEM TO THIS PAGE, REMEMBer to give their name

NORTHERN FOLKLORE

.
GOT AN EMAIL FROM A MATE WHO TOLD ME ABOUT A STRANGE UNWRITTEN RULE THAT OPERATES AT THE BAR AT THE BRIGHOUSE SOUL NIGHTS ,APPARENTLY YOU CAN ONLY QUEUE FROM THE LEFT AND NOT FROM THE MIDDLE"THATS ALL VERY STRANGE




AFTER SOUTHERN SOULIES WERE CAUGHT PUSHING IN AT THE BAR SOME THING HAD TO BE DONE !






AFTER SOLICITORS LETTERS WERE IGNORED BY THE CHEEKY SOUTHERNERS,THE LOCAL BOBBY WAS CALLED IN TO KEEP ORDER,PROBLEM SOLVED EVERYONE WAS HAPPY.

"IF YOU KNOW ANY GOOD FOLKLORE  BEST YOU TELL ME"
IN 1981 AFTER THE LAST FINAL 3 AFTER THE VERY END ALLNIGHTER, DISASTER STRUCK, WHILST SWEEPING OUT THE GENTS A SPARK, PROBABLY CAUSED BY FRICTION FROM HIS ILL FITTING POLYESTER JUMPER,IGNITED A PILE OF OLD EMPTY WRAPS AND WIGAN CATHEDRAL WAS REDUCED TO A PILE OF SMOLDERING ASH
AS IF THIS WASN'T ENOUGH THE UGLY AND SINISTER PROSPECT OF LOOTERS WAS A CONSTANT THREAT TO POOR OLD RUSS.
RUSS HAD ALWAYS BEEN A FIGHTER ,CURSED FROM BIRTH WITH 70'S PORNO STAR LOOKS AND A HIDEOUS DRESS SENSE HE NOW FOUND HIMSELF FIGHTING ONCE MORE,IF LIKE ME YOU WATCHED THE CLEETHORPES DOCUMENTARY YOU WILL HAVE SEEN THE MAN WHO STOLE THE BRICK, AND THE CHEEKY COUPLE WHO FILCHED A PIECE OF THE DANCE FLOOR FOR THEIR KITCHEN,THIS WAS WHAT RUSS HAD TO DEAL WITH.MY SYMPATHIES TO YOU RUSS WE SALUTE YOU






LIKE VULTURES DESCENDING ON A DEAD ANIMAL,MABLE SEDGEWICK AND HER OLD MUM AND HER SON BILLY WERE FIRST ON THE SCENE.LIKE SO MANY AFTER THEM THEY WOULD SET THE STANDARD FOR FURTURE BIN SIFTERS AND SKIP SCANNERS ALIKE.














A DEFIANT RUSS WHITSTANLEY STANDS AMONGST THE RUINS OF THE HOLY GRAIL OF ALL SOUL VENUES




I NEED PICTURES OF THE TORCH FOR MY NEXT ARTICLE ON SITES OF NORTHERN HISTORY.SEND THEM TO ME AT MY EMAIL ADDRESS.

I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS PAGE ,I KNOW IT HAD ME SMILING, BUT PLEASE REMEMBER IT ONLY A GIGGLE I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH IF YOU HAVE SEEN ANYTHING YOU THINK IS IN BAD TASTE {APART FROM THE JUMPER AND HAIR CUT OPPOSITE} I WILL PRINT YOUR EMAIL ALONG WITH AN APOLOGY AS IT NOT MY INTENTION TO UP SET ANYONE.
ALL YOU NORTHERNERS, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME HOW YOU SEE THE TYPICAL SOUTHERNER ON THE NORTHERN SCENE SO I CAN HAVE A BALANCED MIX OF CAPTIONS.
who is
soul furher
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED WHO RUNS THE SHOW,NOW WITH THIS SITE AND YOUR HELP I CAN FIND OUT







IVE BODGED A GUESTBOOK IN HERE SO WE COULD ALL SEE WHO YOU THINK IS SOUL FURHER,REMEMBER PISS TAKERS NEED ONLY SIGN. IWILL PRINT THE RESULTS WITH A CAPTION WHEN ALL VOTES ARE IN.
WHO IN YOUR OPINION IS THE JACK BOOTED GENERAL OF THE NORTHERN SOUL SCENE?
FILL IN THE FORM



IN THIS SECTION OF THE PAGE I WILL TRY TO ANSWER READERS QUESTIONS ABOUT THE SCENE AND THE DIFFERENT PEOPLE THAT BIND IT TOGETHER
PAUL FROM DURHAM ASKS
Q-WHO INVENTED THE PHRASE NORTHERN SOUL AND WHY ?
A- DAVE GODIN HAD A RECORD SHOP IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE IN LONDON IN 1968 BC {before casino],HE LOOKED OUT OF HIS SHOP WINDOW ONE DAY AND SAW A MAN WEARING CLOGSS AND A FLAT CAP TRYING TO CATCH THE PIGEONS,HE WAS HEARD TO SAY"LOOK AT THAT POOR NORTHERN SOLE  OUT THERE"AND THE NAME STUCK
STEVE FROM KENT ASKS
Q-WHY DON'T THEY SELL BOTTLED BEER UP NORTH
A-BECAUSE OF THE GENETIC MAKE UP OF PEOPLE IN THE SOUTH EVOLUTION HAS GRADUALLY CHANGED THE SIZE OF OUR BLADDERS SO NOW WE CAN ONLY HOLD ABOUT  1/2 A PINT OF FLUID BEFORE URINATING, NATURE HAS COMPENSATED FOR THE ABBUNDANCE OF FLOWING WATER IN OUR AREA. HOWEVER UP NORTH WHERE THEY DON'T HAVE RUNNING WATER AND STILL HAVE TO DRINK FROM RIVERS AND PONDS  THEIR BLADDERS NEED TO BE BIGGER,HENCE PINTS OF BEER, AND NO BOTTLES.
KENNY FROM CREW ASKS
Q-WHY ARE  ALL SOUTHERNERS EYES SMALL AND CLOSE TOGETHER.
A-KENNY THIS IS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING CALLED "E L E C T R I C I T Y " IT PROVIDES LIGHT AND POWER TO ALL HOMES SOUTH OF THE WATFORD GAP YOU MAY OF NOTICED THE ABUNDANCE OF MOTOR WAY LIGHTS PAST THIS POINT,ANY WAY WE DON'T NEED BIG ROUND SEE IN THE DARK EYES BECAUSE WHEN IT GETS DARK WE SIMPLY SWITCH ON A LIGHT.
BILLY FROM BOLTON ASKS
Q- WHY DO ALL SOUTHERNERS THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE ?
A- BECAUSE THEY ARE MUPPET.
SARAH FROM LONDON WANTS TO KNOW WHY
Q- WHY ARE ALL NORTHERN BLOKES COVERED IN TATTOOS ?
A- IT IS CUSTOMARY UP NORTH TO BE GIVEN TATTOOS AS CHRISTENING PRESENTS , YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A NORTHERN CHAPS TATTOOS EG, A MAN WHOSE TATTOOS CONTAIN WORDS WITH NO SPELLING MISTAKES WOULD PROBABLY BE A TEACHER OR BANK MANAGER.

STEVE FROM BRIGHTON ASKS
Q- WHY DON'T PEOPLE FROM UP NORTH GO TO NITERS DOWN HERE
A- UP UNTIL RECENTLY PEOPLE FROM UP NORTH BELIEVED YOU COULD LITERALLY DRIVE OFF OF THE END OF THE WORLD AT THE WATFORD GAP SERVICES,RATHER LIKE THE DAYS OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, ALSO IT IS A KNOWN FACT THAT MANY OF THEIR CARS OR" STEAM CHARIOTS "AS THEY CALL THEM STILL RUN ON COAL, AND WITH NO WHERE TO FILL UP DOWN SOUTH JOURNEYS ARE MADE IMPOSSIBLE, IN FACT  I HAD TO TELL A NORTHERN FRIEND  WITH A NEW PISTON ENGINE CAR ,THAT WHEN HIS CARS PETROL TANK WAS EMPTY HE DIDN'T NEED TO BUY A NEW CAR BUT JUST SPEND SOME MONEY  AND RE - FILL IT.
HARRY FROM LONDON WANT'S TO KNOW
Q- HOW OLD WAS WIGAN CATHEDRAL WHEN IT BURNED DOWN ?
A- WIGAN CATHEDRAL WAS BUILT BY THE VICTORIANS IN ROMAN TIMES IT IS THAT OLD,IT WAS THE FIRST "ABOVE GROUND " BUILDING UP NORTH, LET US NOT FORGET THAT THE PEOPLE FROM THIS AREA LIVED IN PLACES CALLED  "MINES " BEFORE THEY BECAME HUMAN, WHEN IT BURNED DOWN IT WAS 1000 YRS OLD !!!
RUSS FROM THE WIGAN AREA SAYS
Q-IF THE SCENE IS SO GOOD DOWN THERE WHY ARE ALL THE BEST NITERS UP NORTH SMART  ARSE ?
A-WHO SAID THEY ARE SCRUFFY ARSE !
EDD FROM HULL  WANT'S TO KNOW
Q-EXACTLY WHERE IN OXFORD STREET IS THE 100 CLUB ?
A- NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER TO EXPLAIN.
PAUL IN DOVER WANTED TO KNOW
Q- WHAT IS THIS COAL STUFF I KEEP HEARING ABOUT WHEN I AM QUEUING UP  TO GET IN AT NORTHERN NITERS ?
A-COAL, ALSO KNOWN AS BLACK GOLD,TELFORD TEA,USED TO BE GROWN UNDER GROUND UP NORTH MANY YEARS AGO, IT  WAS WORTH A LOT OF MONEY,PEOPLE FROM UP NORTH BECAME SO WEALTHY FROM GROWING COAL THEY USED TO BURN IT. COAL GROWS IN PLACES CALLED MINES,PEOPLE WHO HARVESTED THE COAL WERE CALLED "PICKETS", IT IS SAID THAT SOME OF THESE PICKETS COULD EVEN FLY. SADLY NOW BECAUSE OF A WOMAN CALLED MARGARET  THATCHER COAL IS NO LONGER GROWN,AND ALL THE PICKETS ARE EXTINCT.


THANKS FOR SENDING IN YOUR QUESTIONS, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK .PLEASE TRY TO REMEMBER THIS ONLY A BIT OF FUN !!!
THIS WEEKS WINNER OF LOST IN SPACE GOES TO MR KEITH MINSHULL, HE WAS AWARDED HIS LOST IN SPACE T SHIRT EARLIER IN THE WEEK AND HAS KINDLY SENT US THIS PICTURE OF HIM WEARING IT WHILE DJ'ing, HE ALSO SEEMS TO OF HAD A SMILE TRANSPLANT,ITS AMAZING WHAT MODERN MEDICINE CAN DO THESE DAYS, WE ALL THOUGHT HE WAS INCURABLE !
THE VINYL VULTURE
THIS IS A SECTION OF THE SITE AIMED AT SERIOUS RECORD COLECTORS ONLY , WITH MY WEALTH OF NORTHERN KNOWLEDGE I WILL DISCUSS THE LATEST ISSUES SURROUNDING THIS FASCINATING HOBBY.
PICTURES CARE OF MARTIN"THE BOX" COOK
I CAN HARDLY CONTROL MYSELF WITH EXITEMENT AT THIS LATEST DISCOVERY OF MINE , MAINLY BECAUSE I PAID £ 5.00 FOR IT AND A WELL KNOWN SCOTTISH  CHAP PAID £15,000 FOR A BOOT LEG OF THE SAME RECORD.HE BROUGHT FRANK WILSON'S DO I LOVE YOU THINKING HE'D BROUGHT AN ORIGANAL WHEN REALY HE HAD JUST BROUGHT A CHEAP COVER UP  OF THE EDDIE FOSTER  MONSTER , WHATS MORE NOW I HAVE FOUND MY COPY I KEEP NOTICING IT EVERYWHERE,SO MY TIP TO ALL YOU COLLECTORS IS GO OUT AND GET IT NOW BEFORE EVERYBODY REALISES KENNY BURRELL 'S EXPENSIVE MISTAKE !
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS BUT THERE IS A GREAT SCOURCE OF RECORD'S  OUT THERE AND WHATS MORE THEY ARE ALL ON THE SAME LABEL, THE LABEL IS OF COURSE THAT LITTLE KNOWN FRENCH LABEL "GRAPEVINE", WHILST BROWSING THEIR TITLES I NOTICED SOME OF THESE SOUNDS HAVE EVEN HAD A FEW PLAYS ON THE SCENE,WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO WAS TRY TO COLLECT ALL OF THEIR RELEASES AND PUT THEM ALL ON A RE-ISSUE LABEL SO EVERYONE CAN ENJOY THEM,I AM GOOD LIKE THAT YOU KNOW.
I WAS LISTENING TO RADIO 2 WHEN I HEARD TIM BROWN BANNING ON ABOUT "THE INSPERATIONS" BEING REALY RARE AND HARD TO GET HOLD OF AND HE HAD A COPY AND IT COST HIM £5,000, WELL TIM YOU MUG YOU CAN GET IT ON A CD SO THERE, WHATS MORE ITS BETTER QUALITY, OF COURSE WITH MY EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE COLLECTING SCENE I KNOW THIS TYPE OF STUFF. "TIM  BEFORE YOU GO OUT AND SPEND LOADS OF CASH ON OLD FASHIONED VINYL YOU WOULD BE BETTER  TO CHECK OUT THE GOLDMINE CD'S, IF YOUV'E NEVER HEARD OF THEM JUST DROP ME A LINE AND I WILL BE GLAD TO STEER YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION."
IF THERE IS ONE THING I HATE IT IS WHEN PEOPLE MAKE OUT THEY KNOW LOADS OF STUFF ABOUT THE SCENE WHEN REALY THEY DON'T, FOR EXAMPLE ,I WAS MOST ANNOYED AT THE 100 CLUB WHEN I MET A GUY CALLING HIMSELF "HARBORO HORACE",THIS IMPOSTOR WAS TELLING EVERYONE HOW HE HAD RUN THE CLUB FOR 20 YRS AND HOW HE ORGANIZED THE CLEETHORPES WEEKENDERS ,AND HOW HE HAD WRITTEN ALL THE SLEEVE NOTES FOR THE KENT LP'S,AND HOW HE HAD BROKEN ALL OF THESE GREAT RECORDS,HE MAY OF FOOLED ALL YOU BEGINNERS WITH HIS TALL TALES BUT HE WASN'T GOING TO FOOL THIS WILY FOX, I MEAN DOES HE REALLY THINK HE CAN TELL THESE WHOPPERS WITHOUT ME TELLING THE GREAT SOUTHERN SOUL LEGEND ADY CROASDALE, I MEAN REALLY !!!
BEING A REGULAR FACE AT THE RECORD BOXES OF THE KEELE UNIVERSITY ALL NITERS FOR THE LAST 30 YRS NOW ,I WAS QUITE SHOCKED TO FIND THE ATTENDANCE FIGURES HAD TAKEN A RIGHT NOSE DIVE,WHEN I TURNED UP FOR THEIR MILLENNIUM NITER I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WHEN I STOOD AT THE DOOR ON MY OWN WAITING TO GET IN AND NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE ,WITH MY KNOWLEDGE OF THE SCENE I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE A POOR NIGHT SO I HEADED BACK HOME TO MY RECORD ROOM,LETS JUST HOPE THAT THEIR NEXT NITER THIS SUNDAY NIGHT IS A BIT BETTER !
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I LOVE MY TUNES AND WHEN SOME ONE WANTS TO LOOK IN MY BOX I GET RIGHT PROTECTIVE, I AM TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE THE LAST NITER I WENT TO AT THE RITZ THIS HAPPENED TO ME.THIS BLOKE WHO SAID HE WAS BOBBY WAS ASKING ME ALL SORTS OF QUESTIONS LIKE "HAVE YOU GOT ANY GEAR MATE" AND" WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN THE BOX MATE"AND DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH ANY GEAR"HE SAID HED COME DOWN WITH HIS OWN "SQUAD"AND THEY WERE LOOKING TO PICK UP MEN WHO WERE DEALING,I MEAN WHAT SELF RESPECTING RECORD DEALER IS GOING TO LET A SQUAD OF BLOKES LOOK THROUGH HIS RECORDS AND LET THEM BUGGAR HIM IN THE CAR PARK AFTERWARDS , OF COURSE SOME ONE WHO WAS NOT AS CLUED UP AS ME MAY HAVE FALLEN FOR THIS SICK PLOY.
AS WELL AS BEING A SOUL FAN AND A KNOWLEDGEABLE RECORD COLLECTOR I AM ALSO A MEDICAL  MARVEL,THIS SECTION OF THE PAGE DISCUSSES THE MANY HEALTH  ISSUES THAT DOG THE SCENE TODAY,
NICK FROM PETERBOROUGH WANTS TO KNOW
Q-RUSS EVERY TIME I GO TO A NITER IN MY CAR I HAVE PREMONITIONS OF HAVING TRAVELED THE SAME ROUTE FOR YEARS, ALSO I GET A PAIN IN MY RIGHT HIP, CAN YOU OFFER AN EXPLANATION ??
A-WELL NICK YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE A CLASSIC "COMPULSIVE,OBBSESSIVE DISORDER" THIS  IS CAUSED BY YOU NEVER GOING ANYWHERE  OTHER THAN THE 100 CLUB, TRY GOING TO OTHER ALLNIGHTERS, ALSO THE HIP PAIN IS PROBABLY CAUSED BY YOU GETTING OUT YOUR WALLET TO GET PETROL AND PAY YOUR ADMISSION FEES
THAT WILL TEACH YOU FOR ALL THOSE BOGUS NAMES YOU KEEP FILLING MY GUEST BOOK WITH.
EDDY FROM WIGAN ASKS
Q-RUSS WHEN I AM AT HOME PLAYING MY RECORDS I GET A PAIN IN BOTH EARS AFTER ABOUT 5 RECORDS, IT GETS SO BAD I HAVE TO GO TO BED , CAN YOU HELP ME ??
A-EDDY THIS TYPE OF COMPLAINT IS COMMON IN YOUR AREA, IT IS KNOWN AS "KEELE EAR" NAMED AFTER THE VENUE, WHERE IT WAS FIRST REPORTED.  TRY LISTENING TO SOME OTHER RECORDS OTHER THAN OLDIES, YOU COULD CALL THIS A REPETATIVE STRAIN INJURY, MY ADVICE WOULD BE TO GET YOURSELF OUT TO A MORE MIXED MUSIC POLICY CLUB, AND STOP PLAYING OLDIES OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

KEV FROM BRISTOL WANTS TO KNOW
Q-RUSS I GOT SOME DOUBLE POWERFULL TURBO NUTTER GEAR THE OTHER DAY I TOOK 1 DAB AND I WAS BUZZING LIKE A BEE FOR 3 DAYS, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE IT LESS POWERFULL ??
A-I MUST , NO , INSIST THAT YOU SEND ALL OF THIS GEAR TO ME SO THAT I CAN CARRY OUT MY OWN TESTS ON IT WITHOUT DELAY ,DO NOT I REPEAT ,DO NOT GIVE ANY OF IT AWAY TO ANYONE ELSE.
SARAH FROM LEEDS IS WORRIED BECAUSE
Q-I AM 18 AND HAVE A LOVELY FIGURE, AFTER I'VE BEEN TO AN ALLNIGHTER I WANT TO GO HOME AND HAVE LONG SWORDED SEX SESSIONS WITH ANY MAN AVAILABLE, WHAT SHOULD I DO DR RUSS ???
A- AS A RULE I DON'T SEE ANYONE WHO WRITES TO ME BUT AFTER LOOKING AT THE PHOTO YOU SENT WITH THIS LETTER I CAN SEE FROM THE PAIN AND ANGUISH ON YOUR FACE I WILL HAVE TO MAKE AN EXEPTION IN YOUR CASE, I READ YOU WILL BE ATTENDING THE RITZ ON SUNDAY NIGHT SO I MADE A RESERVATION ON MONDAY MORNING AT 8.00 AM SHARP, PLEASE INSURE THAT YOU WEAR EASILY REMOVABLE CLOTHES AS IT IS PROBABLE I WILL HAVE TO CARRY OUT A FULL EXAMINATION.
STEVE FROM DERBY  IS WORRIED BECAUSE.
Q-RUSS WHEN I GET HOME FROM THE NITER ALL I WANT TO DO IS HAVE A SHAG, AS I HAVEN'T GOT A GIRLFRIEND WHAT SHOULD I DO ???
A-FIRSTLY YOU PERVERT IT IS DR RUSS TO YOU LOSER, IT 'S NOT MY PROBLEM IF YOU CAN'T GET A BIRD ,IF YOU DIDN'T KEEP HARPING ON ABOUT IT  YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF ,I SUPPOSE YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE BLOKES WHO GOES HOME AND "SPANKS THE SPAM JAVELIN" WHILE WATCHING SOME DOUBLE X RATED PORNO FILTH, I'LL  BET YOU 'VE GOT A PICTURE OF BRENDA HOLLOWAY WEARING A TIGHT DRESS IN YOUR TOILET TO "WAD OFF" TO, YOUR TYPE DISGUST ME "SOD OFF YOU PERVERT" ...!!!!!!!!!
ENGLEBERT FROM CROYDEN WANTS TO KNOW
Q-DR RUSS DOES GOING TO NITERS MAKE YOU GO BALD, ALSO IF I KEEP GOING WILL I HAVE TO GROW A MUSTACHE ???
A-FIRSTLY ENGLEBERT {SNIGGER, SNIGGER } GOING TO ALL NIGHTERS WILL NOT MAKE YOU BALD, SECONDLY IF YOU LIVE NORTH OF THE WATFORD GAP YOU WILL PROBABLY HAVE TO HAVE THE OBLIGATORY MUSTACHE, IT IS NOT A MEDICAL THING BUT IT IS A NORTHERN BY-LAW.
MAT FROM SOHO NEEDS TO KNOW IF.
Q-IF  I GO TO AN ALLNIGHTER UP NORTH ARE THERE ANY SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS ??
A- YOU WILL CERTAINLY NEED A TETANUS BOOSTER ALSO YELLOW FEVER, HEPATITIS ,A,B,C & D, ALSO I WOULD ADVISE CARRYING  A FEW SPARE PINTS OF YOUR OWN BLOOD TYPE IN YOUR CAR, SPARE RETINAS AND KIDNEYS COULDN'T HURT AND A VALID DONOR CARD, HAVE A TATTOOIST TATTOO YOUR BLOOD GROUP ON ALL OF YOUR ARMS AND LEGS, AND AS AN EMERGENCY MEASURE BOOK A HOSPITAL BED IN ADVANCE. IF YOU FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE STEPS THERE'S NO REASON WHY YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A GOOD TIME, OH YEA DON'T DRINK THE WATER.
KERRY FROM SKEGNESS ASKS
Q- DOES THE CONSTANT USE OF DRUGS MAKE YOU RUDE AND IMPATIENT ??
A-"SPIT IT OUT YOU STUPID COW, I HAVE'NT GOT ALL DAY YOU KNOW" OF COURSE IT DOESN'T YOU HALFWITTED MORON.
THATS IT FOR SOUL SURGERY THIS WEEK IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR ME LEAVE  THEM IN THE GUEST BOOK AND I WILL PREPARE YOUR CASE....